Community Corner is a space for our members to catch up on events that they have missed, read team recommendations, and write to us.
For our fifth-year anniversary, we had the pleasure of hosting Sidhi Vhisatya, an art practitioner based in Ubud, Bali, and Kai Mata, an Indonesian LGBTQ+ musician known for being one of the country’s most outspoken queer artists. During the livestream celebration, Sidhi Vhisatya had some technical difficulties, so we decided to rerecord the poetry reading and post it on the site for all members to enjoy.
How to Survive in A New City
How to Survive in a New City
When I first moved to this city And could afford a 3 meters square room What I mean is I'm ok to clean the filthy shared toilet Every time my neighbour has to rush to work And forgot to flush Especially that grumpy energy From 3 hours unpaid overtime every day And three more unpaid leaves every time she calls in sick When I first moved to this city I felt sick too But I promise myself this is an invitation to a new self-portrait I picked this city cos people told me Bali is a safe island for the gays I wasn't out and spent my first year trying to figure out who am I going to tell first My work colleague Someone on the apps My family Or maybe a random ibu-ibu angkringan I'm not even sure how to start... Maybe by saying Mmm, "Hi? I'm gay" No, that's weird I wasn't sure, but I WAS still happy and felt like I HAD HOPE When I first moved to this city And could afford a 3 meters square room For the very first time in my life I can lock myself in Looking at the banana trees and blue sky Through my window to calm myself To recover from A very unprofessional judgemental therapy session that could go on for hours About how I have to invest In a building they call it as a "house" or sometimes "home" But they actually look like A storage room for unread books Unsaid feelings Unresolved traumas The ongoing feelings of wanting to fit into the world Sometimes there is this fried tofu aroma And the best sambel bawang as well But it doesn't even make it look more comfortable They call it as "home" While I often feel like They kept trying to fix me With all these pop up ads about the upcoming discount promos OR application for an instant personal loan online It sucks that they keep harvesting all my misery And waiting for THEIR PREY, me, to come Home Yes, Moving to a new city and starting a new life Means I have to give up 20% of my salary for the rent 30% of it for my parents 30% for my living cost And the last 20% for The most affordable professional therapist And sometimes skincare routine as I want to feel good too, you know An additional 10% loan Whenever I need to punish myself By getting fried chicken from McD or KFC To cure a rejection from a good-looking guy I found on Grindr 10% from extra commissioned project For unsolicited national inflation That makes AN EGG only belongs to Anyone who's lost their minutes of sleep Over a protest on the street Or another 10% loan from a friend When work gets too annoying That being hesitant to start a conversation with strangers Or even a dear friend hurts my career I then made friends with a sip or two of alcohol every night Until they got addicted to me When I first moved to this city IT WAS NOT an easy journey Being a working-class gay guy, who has to feed the family I learnt so many times that I have to give up on my simplest dream I just need to easily sleep well, really Being a working-class gay guy, who has to feed the family, And keep experiencing heartbreaks I learnt that a good sleep is nearly impossible Wondering why I felt so tired after work And spent 6 hours screentime To answer Why Seeing my face in the mirror seems like A satirical joke why my dinner always tastes like Depression Why laying down in my bed feels like Failure I sing out loud in the shower EMPTYING whatever inside until I have no stomach for another day This ANXIETIES of having to face another 24 hours will make me feel even more tired It's usually easier to get me to sleep when I'm extremely exhausted Then I wake up Holding life like rubbing a sanitiser on my hands When everything's done, It disappears within seconds When I first moved to this city I wasn't so sure how I can have everything done Once I got up looking at the banana trees and the grey skies through my window I guess Ubud is a Pisces for its unpredictable thunderstorm emotion. And, I was standing there asking myself what I'd been looking for. I unpacked all the forgiveness I learnt from my mom I unpacked all the solidarity I collect from my friends I unpacked all the memories I preserved with them I unpacked all the things I took for granted When I first moved to this city I felt like I'm the most free person I've ever know And for that hope, I survive I met an accident couple (of) months ago
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